Prayer · Marriage
How to pray for your husband (and start praying together)
To pray for your husband, pray specifically and regularly for what he is actually carrying this week, and ask him once in a while, "How can I pray for you?" Use Scripture when you run out of words. Small studies of young American couples found that praying for a partner was linked to more willingness to forgive and more trust, though they say little about long marriages.
Start with what he is carrying this week
General prayers ("bless my husband") are fine, but they are easy to say without thinking. Specific prayers make you pay attention to his life. Before you pray, answer three questions:
- What is weighing on him right now? A deadline, a conflict with his boss, a health worry, his parents?
- Where does he struggle? Impatience, discouragement, a habit he is fighting?
- What do you want for him that has nothing to do with you?
Then pray those answers. The third question is the hardest and the most useful. It is easy for prayer for a spouse to turn into a list of things we want him to change for our sake.
Six areas to pray for, with Scripture
Father, thank you for my husband. You know what he is carrying today better than I do. Give him rest where he is tired, wisdom where he has to decide, and strength where he is tempted. Let him know he is loved by you. Make me patient and kind with him, quick to forgive and slow to keep score. Protect our marriage, and draw us both closer to you. In Jesus' name, amen.
That short prayer covers the basics. The prompts below help you go deeper on one area at a time.
Here are six prompts you can use. Each comes with a verse from the World English Bible to pray in your own words.
1. His relationship with God
Pray that he would know he is loved by God before he is useful to anyone. "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Pray that verse with his name in it.
2. His work and provision
Pray for wisdom in decisions, integrity when shortcuts are tempting, and rest when work follows him home. Paul's instruction fits work stress well: "In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6).
3. His health and safety
If he works long hours, drives a lot, or is facing a diagnosis, say so plainly to God. James tells believers to "pray for one another, that you may be healed" (James 5:16).
4. His temptations and struggles
Pray for strength where he is weakest, without listing his faults to God as a complaint. If you know he is fighting something specific, ask him whether he wants you to pray about it and how.
5. Your marriage
Pray for the way you treat each other on ordinary days. "Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32). If you are in a season of conflict, pray this one: "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26), and ask for the humility to make the first move.
6. His role as a father (if you have children)
"You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Pray for patience at the end of long days and for real time with each child.
What does research say about praying for your partner?
You may have seen the claim that "only 1 in 1,152 couples who pray together get divorced," usually credited to a 1997 Gallup study or to the researcher John Gottman. No reliable primary source for this claim has been found, so don't use it as evidence or build your hopes on it.
There is real research, though, mostly from psychologist Frank Fincham and colleagues at Florida State University:
- In one experiment published in Psychological Science (Lambert et al., 2010), participants assigned to pray for a romantic partner reported greater willingness to forgive that partner. A second experiment in the same paper found a similar effect when people prayed for a friend.
- In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Fincham, Lambert and Beach, 2010), one six-week study found that praying for a partner predicted less self-reported romantic behavior with people outside the relationship, after taking earlier behavior and relationship satisfaction into account.
- In "Praying Together and Staying Together" (Lambert et al., 2012, Psychology of Religion and Spirituality), three small studies linked prayer with and for a partner to higher reported unity and trust, including one four-week experiment.
The samples were small and mostly young Americans in dating relationships, so these findings say nothing certain about marriage or divorce, and they cannot measure God's answer to prayer. They do fit a simple observation: praying for someone's good turns your attention toward that person.
How to start praying together as a couple
Many Christian couples want to pray together and rarely do. The usual reasons are that it feels awkward, one spouse is more comfortable praying aloud than the other, or there is unresolved tension and praying together feels dishonest. If praying aloud together feels awkward, try this sequence:
- Pick a time you already share. Before dinner, in the car, or the last five minutes before sleep.
- Start with one question. "What's one thing I can pray for you about tomorrow?" Each of you answers in a sentence.
- Pray silently together first if praying aloud feels uncomfortable. Hold hands, take a minute in silence, then one of you says "Amen."
- Move to one sentence each, out loud, when silence feels easy. Pray for what your spouse just told you, not for what you wish they had said.
- Check back. A few days later, ask how the thing you prayed for went. This is where trust grows.
If you are in conflict, you can still pray together. Keep it short and honest: "God, we are angry with each other. Help us talk about this tomorrow without hurting each other." Praying like this asks for help with the actual problem, and both of you hear it.
When you live apart, or your husband doesn't pray
Couples separated by deployment, work rotations, travel or study can still pray together. A short voice message with a prayer, a shared time each evening when you both pray, or a private prayer list you both can see all work. We designed Avela's Prayer Circles so a couple or a family can share requests privately and see "I prayed" when the other has prayed, even across time zones.
If your husband doesn't share your faith or isn't ready to pray with you, pray for him quietly and faithfully, and don't use prayer as pressure. Invite him without insisting. (1 Peter 3:1–2 addresses wives with unbelieving husbands in its own setting; it must never be used to pressure anyone to stay silent about abuse or remain in danger.)
When prayer is not enough on its own
Prayer belongs alongside wise action. If there are threats, coercive control or abuse, don't rely on prayer or couples counseling to repair the relationship; seek confidential individual support and a safety plan. In the United States, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or use thehotline.org, and call 911 if you are in immediate danger. For serious conflict without danger, a pastor or a licensed marriage counselor can help you both.
Frequently asked questions
How often should I pray for my husband?
Daily is a good goal, and a minute is enough. Tie it to something you already do, like making coffee or his commute.
Should I tell my husband I'm praying for him?
Usually yes, especially if you ask what he wants prayer for. Avoid announcing prayers about his faults; pray those privately.
What if we pray together and then argue?
That happens. Praying together is not a guarantee of peace, but it gives you a shared place to return to after an argument.
Keep reading: How to get closer to God (or come back after drifting away) · What the Bible says about family that hurts you
Sources: Scripture from the World English Bible (public domain). Fincham, F. D., Lambert, N. M., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Faith and unfaithfulness: Can praying for your partner reduce infidelity? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99, 649–659. Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., Stillman, T. F., Graham, S. M., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Motivating change in relationships: Can prayer increase forgiveness? Psychological Science. National Domestic Violence Hotline. Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., LaVallee, D. C., & Brantley, C. W. (2012). Praying together and staying together: Couple prayer and trust. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality.